Private Eyes. Are Watching You. They See Your Every Move.

Believe me, as long as I live and breathe, I feel I will never completely enforce this truth to my first-born son and last-born child. I know the following story will entertain all who read it, but PLEASE do not think in any way, shape, or form that I condone his actions. I don't. Perhaps years down the road when he has replaced Bill Gates as computer-guru-of-the-world, I will be a little bit more lenient. But until that time, I must continue to keep my guard up, my detective hat on, and my 'you're grounded until the end of time' voice in tact. And now, the details:

Yesteday I went to sign onto facebook on the family home computer. The e-mail address that came up as a login was ifarted@hushmail.com (BELIEVE ME! I DON'T CONDONE THIS EITHER!) After taking a very long and very deep breath, I spoke with conviction but not anger to my young son sitting on the couch. "Eli, who's e-mail is this?" He didn't skip a beat. Didn't turn around. Didn't look me in the eye. Just answered. "I'm in trouble, huh? Big trouble." My reply, "Oh, yeah. Big, BIG trouble." After asking for and receiving his password (googoogaga for those of you who are interested) I was immediately directed to my 9-year old son's newly created facebook domain. Only it wasn't him. It was someone by the name of Jason Duncan. "WHO is Jason Duncan?" I asked, because now even my curiosity was peaked. It sounded to me like a hero from the pages of Tom Clancy or Robert Ludlum. Another non-blinking reply. "It's my pseudonym mom. You don't think I would use my real name, do you?" When I asked why he even felt the need for a facebook page, his simple answer, "A lot of the girls at school have them." Ah. Ha. He's doing it to impress women. And with a name like Jason Duncan, how could he go wrong? At this point I. am. speechless. Little did I know I am raising a CIA operative. A Secret Agent Man. A Private Eye. One half of the Hardy Boys. Frank or Joe, respectively. Well, all's well that ends well. For now anyway. Jason Duncan has been grounded from facebook. And the computer. And girls. And life. Word to the wise: If someone named Jason Duncan sends you a friend request on facebook, deny it. He's not as old as he sounds.

"Those private eyes. They're watching you. Watching you. Watching you-oo-oo."