"When it rains it pours and opens doors
And floods the floors we thought would always keep us safe and dry."
And floods the floors we thought would always keep us safe and dry."
It's been exactly four years ago since my brother died unexpectedly.
I cried a lot that day. Tonight I think the floors are being flooded by my tears.
I. Miss. Him.
More. Than. Ever.
I want to hear him tell knock knock jokes that make me laugh.
I want to have him cook me an omelet while we discuss "This is Spinal Tap."
I want to see him smile.
I want to brag about Whitney's writings, and Cassidy's love of politics, and Eli's fishing.
I want his dogs to meet my dogs.
I want to say "Goodnight John Boy."
I want to ride in the boat on Bear Lake while he skis behind me for miles and miles.
"And in the midst of sailing ships we sink our lips into the ones we love
That have to say goodbye."
I want to watch him tie die shirts.
I want to watch him hit a home run.
I want to eat popcorn with him on the porch.
I want to hear him play his guitar.
I. Want. To. Talk. To. Him.
"And every word I didn't say that caught up in some busy day."
I would tell him again that I loved him.
I will tell him that he was the best and only brother I ever wanted.
I would tell him that he made me so very happy.
I would tell him that I miss watching sunsets with him.
"And every sunset that we'll miss, I'll wrap them all up in a kiss"
So John, this is for you. And all those things we didn't get to do.
And especially for the things we've yet to do.
When we do them.
Together. In Eternity.
I'm going to make it happen.
""Cause when I look to the sky, something tells me you're here with me,
And you make everything all right.
And when I feel like I'm lost something tells me you're here with me,
And I can always find my way when you are here."
Let's just say I went to a play tonight that was supposed to be about grieving and it didn't touch me at all, but this opened flood gates of memories and grieving. That was such a hard day, but I know you'll make eternity with him happen. And I'll help.
ReplyDeleteCan I help? I miss Uncle John too. I want the opportunity to get to know him more in eternity. This was beautiful mom. If we were in You've Got Mail I would say "Don't Cry Shopgirl." I don't want you to cry, but some pains can only be felt that way. You had an amazing brother and you were an even more amazing sister.
ReplyDeleteSo touching, Joy, very sweet trobute. There is a special bond with a brother and sister. John was a great one.
ReplyDeleteIsn't it such a blessing to have the gospel and the knowledge and peace it brings?
Much love.