Activity numero uno was a date night out to screen RED. Carrying a large popcorn in a red-and-white box, two red fruit punches, and a box of red vines, we ventured arm-in-arm to witness one of the wildest rides I've ever been on while sitting in a theater. What follows is my RED review. (No spoiler alerts needed. I'm saving all the best parts for you to discover.)
This movie literally had me at "Hello." Yes, it actually begins with Bruce Willis on the phone, saying "Hello." to the lovely Mary Louise Parker. I was reminded from minute one until minute one hundred and eleven that there is definitely a reason I have always loved Bruce Willis. I loved him in Moonlighting. I purchased his ONE AND ONLY album. I stored him away in a deep place in my heart for a few years, but he. is. back. Although this movie wouldn't be what one would decribe as your typical chick-flick-with-lots-of-love-and romance, it definitely has it's tender moments and Bruce plays them perfectly. Even with a grenade in his hand. When Bruno Mars sings "I would catch a grenade for you." Bruce takes that advice. Literally.
Morgan Freeman. Ahh. Morgan Freeman. Always perfect. Always charming. Always willing to take a bullet. Or two. Or fifty. Next to my main man Denzel, Mr. Morgan Freeman has got to be one of the better men in Planet Hollywood.
Being John Malkovich. He is one hot ticket right now. One side of him plays the quirky horse trainer of the triple crown winning Secretariat. In RED a completely opposite side of him plays my absolute FaVoRiTe character in this movie. He has great lines. His costumes are impeccable. His skewed view of technological warfare is Right. On. If I ever have to leave the CIA and retire in an alligator-invested swamp, I want him designing my bunker. And filling it with all the 'necessary' supplies as well. John Malkovich. I'd love to get inside his head one day. Seriously.
And finally, the lovely, ever-classic and never-ruffled Miss Helen Mirin. I aspire to be her. She always looks so put together and is the epitome of refinement at it's best. Whether wearing fur-lined camoflage while carrying a huge gun, or dressing for success in a simple white dress to blow up an embassy, Miss Mirin never once loses her class. Or her ability to hit her target straight on. She's my kind of woman.
Two kudos go to Karl Urban and Mary Louise Parker. To Mr. Urban, I say, "I loved you as Bones in Star Trek. I wanted to hate you as Cooper in this movie, but I couldn't. I just couldn't. I knew you would come around eventually. Thank you for not disappointing." And to Mary Louise Parker, of Fried Green Tomatoes fame, I issue this complaint, "Stop being so beautiful." JK.
DO NOT miss the chance to watch this movie on the big screen. I'm not sure if the experience will be the same on your home theater system. If you aren't a fan of lots of guns and grenades and movie violence, stay away. In my opinion, it's a 'can't be missed movie.' I give RED five. stars. Two. Thumbs. Up. and the Mr. Phil and Miss Joy stamp of approval. If you're looking for a great date, the answer is simply...RED.
Bruce Willis made an album? Better or worse than Patrick Swayze's "She's like the wind"?
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